Vulture Culture: How We Encourage Bullying

Our vulture culture emphasizes a winner/loser mentality that encourages dominance and aggression. Extreme bullying, often using sexual slurs such as "gay, fag, slut and whore," is becoming a common experience for students of all ages, and in particular, for children aged 11-13.

Bullying will stop when individuals become assertive and protect themselves; when bystanders are proactive and protect victims, and when schools create a community of respect.

We now have a society that rewards humiliating and demeaning others. Reality television shows have judges who use bullying techniques as they assess the contestants. This kind of entertainment harkens back to ancient times when the public gathered in coliseums to see spectacles, such as gladiators; who killed their foes.

Why do we like to watch others get hurt, either physically or psychologically?

There are many reasons but the simplest explanation is that most people identify with the winner, and they feel better about themselves; as if they had won.

Is bullying part of human nature?

According to Darwin, it is the strongest and most adaptable organism that will survive. That means that extremely polite rule- followers, may not be the ones to survive…at least not in today’s winner/loser culture.

Bullying is part of human nature. Man defends his home and his country. The most powerful are best able to secure their survival.

The definition of powerful varies according to the time and place. The powerful kid on the playground may not be the powerful kid in an advanced science class.

The meaning of “survival” changes according to the environment. Parents may provide a warm, stable and affluent home; while their child may not be able to function in her own peer group; and therefore may feel like she is not surviving.

How are victims created?

The Role of Parents and Families

Some parents emphasize being polite and “well- mannered.” They want their children to be compliant, not to question rules or authority figures. Kids who are inhibited by parental teachings sometimes smell like victims.

The bully knows that they will not fight back. Each time the child does not defend himself a message is being sent and the child is getting set up for the next time that they will be victimized. They are easy targets.

Some families unwittingly set up a bully situation at home, even around the dinner table. Teasing a child, using a nickname such as “Dumbo” may be more destructive than it is meant to be; especially if the child is shy or less verbal than his siblings. The consistent message that one member of the family is not as strong, or able, sets up a bully/ victim situation. Some of my patients are the victims within their own families. They have low self-esteem, and really believe that they are less good, have less rights, and are inferior. In such cases the child feels stuck, helpless and hopeless, and they continue to act like a victim when they go to school.
 

Continue: Profile of a Victim